Who’s the Right Person for You?
- June 03, 2021
By JOHN M. OLDHAM, M.D. & LOIS B. MORRIS
Who’s the right person for you? The mate you already have? The mate you wish had? That question drives a lot of popular online personality tests. Some make it sound so easy: “Answer these three questions about yourself to find your ideal mate.”
So many personality tests
There are so many personality inventories on the market. People take them to understand themselves better. To demonstrate their strengths and talents. To reveal traits they need to strengthen. Sometimes they are a way to think about life goals and to choose the most appropriate career. So often, of course, the deepest longing is to find someone to be with. Or to figure out whether the partner you have is indeed the right one for you. Or to know whether you have what it takes to be a good relationship partner.
But when it comes to personality and match-making surveys, the World Wide Web is the Wild Wild West! How do you know where to start? How do you know which are reliable and solid, versus those that are no better than overblown fortune cookies? It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible. Do some research, check out who developed the test, what it’s based on, where it’s used. And if it’s mostly found in a magazine at a checkout line, or if it only has three questions: beware!
Your own quirky match-making system
Some people devise do-it-yourself systems. Alex Kruger, for example wrote a very funny piece in the New York Times “”Modern Love”section entitled “My ridiculous dating system totally works!”
Tired of “docking my ship on a mediocre ‘good enough’ relationship,” he devised a system based on a business development process. It considers six stages (last: “Dating”) and eight traits. At least five of these he tries to learn about before the first date, such as “Does he like his job?” and “Is he down to go backpacking?” And then, “Does he like himself? Is he curious? Is he kind?”
Kruger added: “There’s just one catch. My potential boyfriend has to like me back.”
Test for two
We have a suggestion. Have your potential or present partner take the same test you do. Then compare results.
If you have taken the NPSP25 test, gift one to your partner or your hopeful. Then register for the free Group Self-Portrait. What you’ll see is a graph that superimposes both sets of results, each in a unique color. Then, rolling your cursor along, it toggles to show which of you is high or low on any of the 14 personality styles. It’s an immediate visual of how you compare. Check out any of the Sample Profiles from the link on the homepage, and you’ll see how it works and what it looks like. (You can also check out our own Group Self-Portrait to see how our team functions together.)
Can this relationship survive?
We know that opposites attract, right? But then again, birds of a feather flock together, right? So there’s no magic formula here, but a chance to learn the ways you and your potential soulmate are alike and the ways you are different, and then how you feel about it, and how you can make it right.