Two Types of Empathy
- May 30, 2025
- General
By John M Oldham MD
Empathy is a word we use a lot these days, and rightly so. I see it as a foundational feature of what it means to be human, in the best sense of the word. To me, its most straightforward definition is the ability to conceptually put yourself in someone else’s shoes and see the world through that person’s eyes. As with most personality traits, it probably serves us best in moderation. Having too much empathy could erode one’s own independent convictions and beliefs; having too little could result in callous insensitivity.
In an interesting opinion piece in the New York Times (https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/04/opinion/empathy-ethics.html), Michael Ventura pointed out that empathy is not the same as kindness or compassion, but rather it’s the ability to understand others’ perspectives. And, he argues, there are different versions of empathy. Cognitive empathy, Ventura says, is the ability to recognize what others feel, whereas affective empathy is the ability to imagine and feel what others feel, even if it isn’t at all how you yourself might feel in a similar situation.
Many of us are able to “read” how others feel, but not all of us are able to resonate with it. For example, on the negative side, many shrewd and crafty con artists and sociopaths can outwit us by recognizing what we’re feeling and then using that insight to take advantage of us. Even though I recognize that this is brain work—a cognitive process–I have trouble using the word empathy to describe this perceptive but exploitative skill. I’d prefer to confine the definition of empathy to the affective type. Genuine affective empathy draws us closer to each other, fostering mutual caring and respect.
In the language of NPSP25, which personality styles would be most likely to involve the constructive version of empathy—the one that facilitates connectedness? Maybe a mix of Self-Confident, Sensitive, and Devoted Styles. And maybe Conscientious as well. But don’t forget, when any of these styles becomes extreme, traits that are useful in moderation can backfire. The extreme of the Self-Confident style, for example, is Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and among its typical characteristics are arrogance and lack of empathy.
