Turning the Heat Down

By John M Oldham MD

Many years ago, I made a rule for myself: Never send an angry email until the next day! Whatever the situation (setting the record straight, rebuttal or rejoinder to an unfair criticism, confronting an employee about inappropriate behavior, etc.), just write the email and save it as a draft. Then with a cooler head next day, decide if to send it as is, edit it to tone it down, or think better of it and delete it. And then maybe to respectfully talk it out on the phone.

An opinion piece in The Washington Post by Christopher W.T. Miller, MD (https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/09/29/anger-management-techniques/) had some advice along these lines. “Anger overwhelms our thinking brain,” he said. “Our emotional brain goes into overdrive and our thinking brain becomes less active. Managing anger requires us to bring our thinking brain back online.” He advises that when you become angry at someone and are on the verge of sending a “nasty message,” it’s better to sleep on it, or write out your message but don’t send it, even though he acknowledges that it can be hard to do. “Step away, remain silent, ask for time,” he says. Take some deep breaths, and then try to figure out what made you so angry. “Considering other people’s perspectives keeps the thinking brain going.”

Good advice, but sometimes easier said than done! In the language of NPSP25, are certain personality types more likely to have a short fuse than others? Probably they would be individuals with high scores on the Mercurial Style or the Aggressive Style. Those with either style would not find it easy to push the pause button in the heat of the moment, but they would be well-advised to practice doing so.

John M. Oldham, M.D., & Lois B. Morris

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